Having seen my eldest go through the heartache that is being dumped for the first time, I can honestly say I REALLY don’t miss my teens! Yes, I had some great times, some really good giggles with the girls watching horror films that scared the shite out of me – those frigging Children of the Corn haunted me for years, horrible little bastards. Trying cider and black (still can’t touch that vile stuff to this day) and obviously getting my heart broken by what I thought at the time was the ‘love of my life’. In hindsight he was a completely spineless pillock who couldn’t even be bothered to tell me we were finished to my face, just ignored me until I stopped trying to contact him!
Anyone who had a relationship before mobiles will know the toe-curling embarrassment of ringing and being answered by your love interest’s Mum! When she sighs after realising it’s you again you know you’re the biggest loser on the planet! I think if mobiles had been around then he probably would have been one of those idiots that dump you by text or change themselves to single on Facebook so I probably didn’t come out that badly. I’ve refrained from spouting cheesy “plenty more fish in the sea” nonsense but it’s actually hard to know what to say despite the fact you’ve been through it several times – hey, I was young and an idiot, I know!
Sadly there is the fear that you won’t fit in with the other kids at school if you don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend but it’s not until you’re older and you see them cutting their toenails on your freshly vacuumed carpet that you realise being single wasn’t all bad! Why is it so bad to be single and happy as a teen?
We had none of this prom stuff where the dresses cost a squillion quid, I was lucky my teen is male but my time will come when my daughter grows up. School discos were all about standing around awkwardly sipping crap orange drink (with a thousand e numbers no doubt) through a plastic carton – or if you were really cool you turned it upside down and chewed away the corner! Generally I could be found stuffing my face with Scampi Nik-Naks and wishing I hadn’t worn my Mum’s turquoise stiletto shoes. Is it really any wonder I never had a boyfriend?! No-one really danced properly because the boys were far too manly for that and they all scarpered quicker than you could say bumfluff when Lionel Richie came on.
I would tell my teenage self to get out there and show them what they’re missing, no moping and ABSOLUTELY no second chances!!! Oh and while we’re at it, shell suits make you look stupid and you didn’t look good with the same perm that every other girl in year 11 was sporting! Maybe it was the overload of mousse and hairspray addling my immature brain. Yes, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!