School runs aren’t that much fun at the best of times but wet and windy school runs are wank and here’s why…
1. You can’t carry an umbrella. It turns inside out, you feel a total knob and you can’t hold more than one little hand.
2. If you wear a coat with a furry hood all you can see when you turn your head to try and cross the road is this:
3. But if you don’t, you end up like this:
4. You have to walk the long way round if you live near any water for fear of having to wade in and rescue one of your kids from the canal when the wind blows that extra bit harder. A swim amongst the shopping trolleys is not my cup of tea ta very much.
5. Wellies are fantastic in this weather except if you’ve got chunky calves like me in which case you give yourself a hernia trying to get the bloody things back off!! You get your other half to help and end up kicking him in the gob. Accidentally of course.
6. The skinny jeans you hail as being the comfiest things ever are stuck to your legs and you need to peel yourself out of them. Have you ever wanted to know what it was like to be a banana? Well now you do.
7. If you’re not brave enough to fight with the wellies and wear your best boots instead you get that horrible salt line across them when they dry that looks like a slug has rubbed his arse across it.
8. You take a carrier bag to school with you to keep lunch bags and shoes dry. When you carry the empty bag back it flaps around and makes you feel like a pillock. I’m not chucking it though. Bloody thing cost me 6p!
9. One of the kids chooses the exact day when it’s smashing it down and the paths are like a river to trip and fall flat on their face and you spend the next 20 minutes listening to them tell you how cold and wet they are and not being able to do bugger all about it.
10. Putting your coat on to pick up the kids at the end of the day and realising that you didn’t put it somewhere sensible to dry. So now it’s cold, wet and weighs a ton.
Bring on the summer!!