Today’s post contains a nod to ‘Shaggy’s It Wasn’t Me’ in parody form which I loved (still do).

What is it with kids behaving differently for their parents than they do with others? We’ve all been to a parents evening and sat there with our gobs hanging open when the teacher says ‘she’s a delight, so quiet and helpful’ when you know the little bugger was mashing chalk into the carpet an hour before nursery.

But she found me on the counter (Wasn’t me)
Saw me jumping on the sofa (Wasn’t me)
I squirted toothpaste in the shower (Wasn’t me)
She even caught me on her camera (Wasn’t me)

Those big blue eyes hide the little monkey underneath. Butter wouldn’t melt and all that. Except when those blue eyes are scrunched up while they’re belting seven shades of crap out of their sibling for looking at them ‘funny’. They weren’t fighting though. Honest. There’s no need to put them in time out.

Mummy came in and she caught me red-handed
Fighting with my big brother.
Picture this, we were both caught scrapping on the living room floor.

When they’ve got a play date is it just me that panics about the other kid getting stinking or going home and telling their parents what an awful Mum you are? Making sure you don’t mutter an accidental ‘sh*t’ when you burn yourself on their fishfingers is essential as is not letting them anywhere near felt tip pens. In those cases it’s best to act innocent and say ‘gosh these kids come out with the funniest things, hey’ and slide on outta there sharpish.

Mummy came in and she caught me red-handed
Drawing Sharpie on the kid next door.
Picture this, we were both caught scribbling pen on my bedroom floor.

No matter how much you feed them they are always hungry – well for anything sweet they are anyway. We’ve all had the ‘well if you don’t have room for your peas, you don’t have room for a pudding’ conversation, then you turn your back and find them teetering on a plastic bike trying to reach the treat cupboard. Mouth covered in a chocolate ring and they’ll still say ‘nothing’ when asked ‘what have you got in your mouth this time?’.

She caught me rifling in the cupboard (Wasn’t me)
Stuffing biscuits up my jumper (Wasn’t me)
I tried to hide them in the toybox (Wasn’t me)
She even caught me on her iphone (Wasn’t me)

How is it possible to make so much mess when looking for something? Throwing toys over their shoulders as they go. ‘Try tidying up and then you can find it’ you helpfully suggest into the abyss, whilst retrieving your spade to dig your child out of the mountain of soft toys, fancy dress clothes and Shopkins. ‘What mess?’ they’ll say whilst looking around all bewildered.

I should tell her that I’m sorry
For the mess that I’ve caused.
When I’m looking for my Elsa,
Cos she’s completely lost!