I woke up this morning,
Looked like Ozzy Osbourne.
My hair was well scary,
My mascara left on.

The kids came in screaming,
Over whose toy it is.
All I could think of,
Is “What fresh hell is this?”

I’ll go for a pee now,
With an audience of two.
It’s not even funny,
Someone get me a brew.

Go down to make breakfast
and find the homework.
Dig out my straighteners
to look less like a berk.

Where the hell have the shoes gone,
Always running amok.
They’ve buggered right off now,
Along with one sock.

Leg it out the door fast.
For another school run.
Going nuts on their scooters…
“Please don’t fall on your bum!”

Rock up at the school doors,
With minutes to spare.
It’s started to rain too,
So I mumble a swear.

I lug both the scooters home,
Getting smashed in the shin.
I musn’t throw them in a bush.
Is it too early for gin?

I waltz through the front door,
And fling off my shoes.
I start on the cleaning,
But I’d rather a snooze.

I fill up on coffee,
So I don’t fall asleep.
Get on with the washing,
From this 70ft heap.

I might get 5 minutes,
To sit on my bum.
Before I rush off again,
For another school run.