What’s My Arse Got To Do With It?

There I was Friday afternoon, just left work and popped into the vape shop for the other half (guaranteed to make you feel old & uncool those places – especially in a suit) out I scarpered and wandered round the corner when I was suddenly aware of a couple of teenage lads behind me making comments such as “look at the size of her arse” and making noises like an elephant pounding the pavement. As I turned to look what they were yabbering on about I realised they were talking about me. My ARSE!

The initial shock just made me waddle a bit quicker to just get the hell out of there. Embarrassed, I didn’t say a word. In hindsight (as they say it’s wonderful) I wish I’d let rip and torn them a new one or been like really grown up and flashed them a V. It’s just not in my nature. Instead I tend to spend hours going over all the things I SHOULD have said.

First of all, what’s it to you? Why do you care what size my arse is? Was it blocking your view of the trainers in Sports Direct? How exactly does it impact on your life?

What makes you think it’s ok to not only say something so bloody rude but out loud somewhere public where other people can also hear? Elephants though dude? Could have made an effort.

Would you still think it was funny if your girlfriend/Mum/sister were on the receiving end of it? What if some little knobhead ran up to your old Nana laughing at her “fat arse” eh? Totally hilarious right?

If your idea of someone being an elephant is a size 12 then there’s something seriously wrong with your idea of ‘normal’. Should everyone live on lettuce to meet with your approval?

Initially I felt ashamed that my arse had been the focus of such negativity but then later on I realised that actually, I don’t know those lads nor do I actually give 2 sh*ts what they think of me but what if they’d said that to someone who was bothered? Someone perhaps younger and more impressionable or already struggling with how they feel about their body? Why should they have to sit at home and cry over such spiteful comments? Or worse?

Ok so maybe my bum is a bit Lumpy Space Princess and I could do with losing a few cream cakes but honestly when it comes down to it? It’s none of your sodding business! So next time you feel like taking the mick out of someone who’s arse is nothing to do with you go home, bleach your eyes or whatever makes you feel better and think about how maybe you should just say nothing. Or better still change your whole outlook on life. People come in different shapes and sizes and there’s nothing you can do about it. What you find attractive might be the next persons unattractive. That in itself isn’t a problem, opening your big fat gob, voicing it to the world in a bid to shame people however IS. So basically what I’m trying to say is:

Take your opinion and shove it up your arse.


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2 thoughts on “What’s My Arse Got To Do With It?

  1. Very well said. Half the time they don’t even mean what they say, they’re just trying to look/sound cool in front of their mates. Detract attention from their acne riddled faces and the fact they still don’t have girlfriends 😘


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