The Old Man Is Snoring

 If, like me,you spend most nights trying not to bludgeon your hubby (or wife, dog or anyone else for that matter) to death with your favourite shoes (tip – use the daps they’re stingy and deliver a satisfying slap) then I totally feel your pain!

I’m talking the kind of snoring that could wake the dead, that you can imagine the Little Green Men hearing from Mars, wondering what on earth that bloody noise is and whether they’re being threatened or asked down for a pint. At some point you lose patience and think “sod this for a laugh” and bugger off downstairs to the settee. Only if you’re anything like me then a few too many episodes of Stranger Things means you don’t really fancy being stuck downstairs on your own in the dark. How is it possible for it to be so bloody loud?! I’ve often wondered if the neighbours can hear it but then I doubt it as they tend to watch Westerns on TV rather loudly in bed. Which in all honesty can be preferable to Snorting Sid to the left of me.

My kids are now of the age that aside from staying out too late (the teen) and keeping me up worrying and perhaps waking due to illness on occasion (littler ones) that I should actually be getting a decent nights kip. Fat chance of that.

I seem to end up in the kids room most nights, with my daughter the human optopus where it’s not unusual to wake up with a foot or arse to the face.  Little Man snores too, mind you it’s like a form of torture. Hubby gets to starfish in the bed by himself and then has the cheek to say “that was an awful night’s sleep” while scratching his arse and seeking out the cup of tea which I will undoubtedly have made him. I, on the other hand, am spooning, no – make that ladling – coffee into a cup and inhaling it.

We have tried everything going to stop it but none of the magic lotions and potions have helped one iota and those nose strips do look a bit stupid – let’s be fair. To be honest I’m quite surprised he has any ribs left with the amount of elbowing they’ve taken over the years and no, that doesn’t work either, well apart from the 3 seconds he stays awake to shout at me for digging him again. Getting him to turn over just makes him snort a bit and start again.

Sales of energy drinks and coffee must be through the roof because of me to be truthful! Maybe I should try and invent one of my own and call it Snoring Stamina, that’s one for Dragon’s Den right there! So, since we’re not rich enough to own a 10 bedroom mansion where I can have my own private haven and I don’t really fancy a long stretch in the nick I’ll just have to put up with it unless anyone can suggest a magic cure that doesn’t involve smothering with a pillow?!

How do you deal with snoring? Any suggestions welcome!

julie-x-2 (1)

17 thoughts on “The Old Man Is Snoring

  1. I am the Worlds heaviest sleeper and nothing wakes me up (sorry) in fact I have been known to wake Si up when I have a cold and somehow make a noise he describes as sounding like a fridge?!!! I really hope you find your cure lovely as lack of sleep is really not fun!

    Stevie xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m with ya on this one. I have the snorer, the settee plays a big part in our lives too! We have tried everything – sprays, nose ring, strips – the lot, to no avail unfortunately. I have come home late at night and heard the noise outside the house as I approach which is mortifying in the embarrassment department. Quite often a nudge produces the comment “I’m not asleep” – yeah right. I have ear plugs too. Not much help I’m afraid but can totally relate!! #KCACOLS

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  3. Oh God, it’s awful isn’t it? At the moment, we are in separate beds as our children just don’t sleep so it’s like ‘musical chairs’. I can hear the other half snoring from across the hall. What’s worse is that I have to stand up and close the door which results in me waking the sleeping baby next to me and then I end up needing a wee!! I miss sleep! #fartglitter

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  4. Yes, my wife is prone to a bit of snoring. Thank goodness it’s quite a gentle snore. Ever tried earplugs? I used them for an ex who rattled the walls. Either that or a thick pillow applied to their face for about 3/4 minutes….
    Thanks so much for linking up to #fartglitter x

    Liked by 1 person

  5. OMG Julie, I can really relate to all of this! I have to deal with this problem every night!! I keep pushing, slapping and picking to stop the noise!! LOL The good thing is that when I actually fall asleep I go into a deep and nice sleep so I don’t hear anything. My problem is when I go to sleep after him. Then it takes much longer to get to that deep sleep!! So maybe you can do the same? It might help who knows! 😉 Thank you so much lovely for linking up with me at #KCACOLS and I would love if you join me again next Sunday!! 🙂 xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Mr A is a worse snorer when he drinks so he now has a very simple choice, drink less than 2 pints or sleep on the sofa. It ensures I get a few snore free nights a week 😂

    Liked by 1 person

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