Well he’s a nice looking fella! mused Juliette over her Malibu and Coke, absentmindedly ramming the paper umbrella up her nostril and trying to cover it by leaning over to check her left sandal before realising that was giving everyone a birds eye view of her Wonderbra clad chest, ordinarily she wouldn’t be that bothered … More The Rodeo
Imagine the worst hangover you’ve ever had. The bed is spinning one way, the room the other. Your head is banging like a steel drum band. You feel sick again but you’re scared to move, there’s a bucket on the floor next to you and your tongue is stuck to roof of your mouth like … More No, I Don’t Want A Drink Thanks
Bloody hell it’s dark as arseholes in here! thought Mum as she strolled into the kitchen. By my age you’d think I’d have grown out of my fear of the dark, she thought. But no, get in, get out and run up the stairs, that’s how it’s done and no one and nothing can get … More The Sticky Floor
It’s freezing in here! Juliette thought, although she wasn’t sure whether the shaking was from absolute terror or the fact she had nothing on but her birthday suit and was hiding in a corner of the living room, next to the chimney breast hoping the cobwebs were long abandoned. Oh god please don’t let her catch … More The Red Shoes
There were once four teenaged girls – Juliet, Clara, Susan and Simone – girls who had been more excited than they’d ever been in their lives at going on a residential school trip. No Mums and Dads, no annoying siblings, just them (and the 2 teachers and a bunch of other kids but let’s not … More The Ghost
You’ve just been handed your bundle of joy, you have hopes and dreams for what they will go on to become. Will they be a Dr, dentist or astronaut? Well there will be a few hurdles along the way before you get there… Milk. All of it You might not know this but babies like … More Things To Look Forward To As A Parent
How do people write their birth stories in such detail? Is it just me that’s blanked out most of it? To be honest I don’t think I really want to be able to remember it all. This is mine. Sort of. 1.00 Pains. My word the pains. I knew it would hurt but this? Not … More My Birth Story(ish)
If competency based questions were based on parenting experiences, you would surely give very different answers. You’d hire me after this though. Right? Can you describe a time when you’ve been proactive in finding a solution to a problem encountered by your customers? One day recently when I walked the customers home from school I … More The Uninterview
There was once a Mum, a Mum who regularly cursed herself for forgetting to remove the washing from the washing machine and it had part dried in stinky, damp dish rag style so she had to wash it all again. Anyway, one day this Mum was minding her own business, putting all manner of crap … More Help Wanted
Just to add a bit of context to the story it’s set in the 80’s and absolutely not about my brother and I.* *It is. Once upon a time there was a Mum, a Mum who was a little shouty at times but always kind and quick to offer a hug. She had 2 children … More The Stain
journalofjules.com 